


Damn regret

by 4ever_yours2



Category: Star Wars
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2019-03-03 21:16:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13349670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4ever_yours2/pseuds/4ever_yours2
Summary: A drunken night has disastrous repercussions.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was requested by milkbaby22, hope this first chapter is close to something you had in mind - anything that isn't just tell me and I'll make changes asap.

There's a raving party in town, and Obi wan had told Anakin earlier that they are to join in celebration of defeating the Sith, and Anakin constantly reminds himself that this isn't a date.  
With barely restrained giddy excitement he meets Obi wan out front of the temple at seven pm and together they walk into town, heading for the party.  
Flashing lights and booming music greet the pair, Obi wan leads them to the bar in the kitchen. He orders two drinks that Anakin didn't get the name of as he's too busy looking around the room, outside there's a giant patio, beside it a pool. Inside is an open plan space, the kitchen and living room and dining room in one spacious area. Stairs are on the far wall. A nudge pulls him back, turning he sees Obi wan holding out a blue drink to him, he takes it.  
Obi wan cheers "To defeating the Sith!"  
As they clink glasses Anakin cheers back "To defeating the Sith!"  
And that starts a whirlpool of a night.  
After his first drink Anakin goes outside, and mingles into the crowd, dancing along to the beat. Every now and then a stranger would dance up to him, say a short greeting and then join him for a moment. Anakin is lost to the beat, lost to the fun of the moment. Until Obi wan appears, another drink in hand "Anakin"  
"Obi wan"  
"Care for another drink? Or perhaps a line of shots?"  
He stops dancing, boldly he grabs Obi wan's hand and says "Lead the way"  
Obi wan doesn't drop his hand, instead leads him back inside to the crowded living room. "Stay here" Obi wan motions to an empty couch, Anakin sits down as Obi wan disappears into the crowd again. A few moments later he returns with a bottle and a few glass cups. "Ever done a line of shots?" He places them on the coffee table in front of them and sits down beside Anakin  
"Obi wan I've been with you most of my life under strict rules, when would I have found the time to drink alcohol?" Anakin says with an amused smirk  
Obi wan grins "Fair enough, but it's simple, a few glasses will be in a line in front of you" Obi wan does just that "Whiskey or whatever drink you like is poured in" again his actions follow his words "then you drink them as fast as you can" Obi wan gestures to them  
"What? You want me to do it?"  
Obi wan nods, Anakin places himself more so in front of the glasses and without anymore hesitation he gulps each one down rapidly. After he coughs, hitting his chest "Goodness that burns"  
Obi wan rubs his back "You get used to it" he refills the glasses, then does a shot line himself. Only just grimacing slightly at the end.  
A women's voice calls out "Obi wan!"  
Both men turn their heads to a woman of sorts shuffling up to them in oversized heels "My god it is you!"  
Obi wan stands, "Rose, it's been forever" the lady grabs his arm and pulls him into the crowd.  
Anakin sits there, dumbfounded.  
' _What just happened?_ '  
Shaking his head he stands, staggering once upright. ' _Damn I'm not used to alcohol_ '  
But nonetheless he heads to the bar in the kitchen, telling the bartender just to give him whatever. He nods, and after a few moments he hands Anakin a purple and red drink. Anakin gulps it down, faintly he can tell the drink tastes alright. But right now he's barely holding himself together. He stumbles back outside, to the dance floor. The first person he bumps into he asks them to dance. They seem just as drunk as he, but still they turn to him. Together they move to the beat.

Later Anakin moves away from his partner, intending to dance by himself for a moment. However hands on his hips alter his plans. Hazily he turns and sees Obi wan grinning at him in a drunken manner.  
"Obi wan?"  
"Hello Anakin" he tugs him close by pulling his hips towards himself, together the pair dance and grind to the beat. Both men don't have a coherent grasp on the situation due to all the drinking, neither could care.  
After the third song comes to a halt the pair stop and stare into each other's eyes. Slowly they lean in, and when their lips touch Anakin swears he could hear fireworks. After a moment they pull back, staring at each other in drunken wonder. Then, like a detonator had finished it's countdown, they clash back together with passion and desperation, tongues duelling.  
After a heated battle Obi wan pulls back "Lets- let's not do this here, I know a place downtown"  
Anakin nods, Obi wan grabs his hand and leads him out.

 

As soon as Anakin is through the hotel door Obi wan pushes him into a wall, pressing his mouth to his and starting a fierce battle. His hands roam his body as Anakin grasps his face. Obi wan grabs the hem of Anakin's shirt and tugs it up then drags him over to the bed. Anakin lays there, staring up in a drunken haze as Obi wan strips off his shirt then his pants. Anakin won't admit it but he's scared because he's never done this before. He crawls onto the bed and tugs down Anakin's pants before sliding them down and off his legs. Anakin grabs him and pulls him upward, connecting their mouths once more. Meanwhile his hands tug on the waistband of Obi wan's underwear before dragging it off. Obi wan pulls back from his mouth and drags his lips across his cheek then his neck, lavishing kisses here and there. Anakin can't help but moan out, his hands gripping the sheets. Obi wan trails kisses down to his nipples, biting and sucking on one for a moment, then doing the same to the other. Anakin lets go of the sheets and instead grips Obi wan's hair, his hips grinding up into him. Obi wan's hands take hold of Anakin's underwear and pulls it off in one swift tug. Anakin moans out in relief, and before he could grip himself Obi wan does, pumping his hand a few times. He suddenly stops, and leans over to the bedside draw. After a few seconds he's back in front of Anakin holding a bottle. Obi wan pours a generous amount onto his hand, afterwards he circles Anakin's hole for a moment before pushing in.  
Anakin tenses on the weird feeling, Obi wan says with only slight slurring "Anakin relax"  
"It feels...weird"  
"It'll feel good, I promise, just relax"  
Anakin nods and relaxes slightly, Obi wan starts to move his finger in and out slowly. After he feels Anakin ease he adds another, instantly he's tense again, Obi wan takes Anakin's erection into his mouth. Hands tangle in his hair, Anakin's hips move up as a moan rips through his throat. Obi wan scissors his fingers, Anakin's drunken mind is too busy on the heat engulfing him to worry about the discomfort of the fingers. So quickly two turn to three, and as his moans reach a peak Obi wan withdraws his hand and his mouth. Anakin stares at him in a confused daze, he leans over him "Anakin I'm going to fuck you now"  
His heart starts to beat rapidly as Obi wan pours lube onto his hand, then strokes himself a few times. He lines himself up with Anakin's hole, slowly he pushes in. He grips Obi wan's back tightly, his own back arching to move from the intrusion. Once into the hilt he stops, letting Anakin get used to the feeling.  
After a few heartbeats he slowly pulls out, then just as slowly pushes back in. And once Anakin's moans turn from panted breath to drawn out 'Ah's he picks up the pace. He draws Obi wan's face to his again, beginning another passionate battle of tongues. One of his hands leaves Obi wan's face, trailing down himself to grip his aching dick and start jerking himself off as Obi wan's pace turns rougher and faster.  
"I'm close" he whispers, pulling back from their kiss to desperately take in air.  
"Then come" Obi wan says in a darker, rougher tone, grabbing one of his legs and raising it up slightly towards his chest.  
Anakin screams from the pleasure of him hitting his spot, his hand moving quicker.  
One, two, three strokes and thrusts and he comes.  
Obi wan continues to move, and after a few more thrusts he comes inside Anakin. Once spent he stays there for a moment, then drops down beside him. He wraps one arm around Anakin as the pair drift off.

 

Groggily Anakin wakes up and the first thing he feels is a skull splitting headache.  
' _Argh, what happened?_ '  
Slowly he realizes there's an arm around his middle, turning he sees Obi wan's sleeping face.  
' _Oh my god, what happened?!?_ '  
But before he could piece together last night he's scrambling to get out of the tangled bed sheets and into the bathroom to hurl into the toilet bowl.  
Once he feels his stomach settle he stands and walks over to the sink and splashes cold water on his face, trying to recall the details of last night.  
It's obvious once he looks into the mirror,  
He and Obi wan had sex, and from the marks on his naked body and the ache in his backside Obi wan fucked him.  
And before last night Anakin was a virgin.  
Good god what was he thinking?  
He hears rustling from outside the room and slowly turns his head to the open door. The bed's empty, Obi wan stands in his pants beside the bed.  
On wobbly legs Anakin moves into the doorway so Obi wan can see him more "Obi wan?"  
Without looking at him he says "I have to go"  
"What?"  
"Last night was a mistake" he grabs his shirt  
"A mistake?" He grips the doorway so he doesn't fall from the sudden light headed feeling  
Without another word Obi wan puts on his shirt and leaves.  
Upon hearng the door slam shut Anakin drops to his knees,  
' _A mistake?_ '  
Anakin clings desperately to any memories of what happened last night, they are at a party, he drinks too much, he's dancing and then...  
Obi wan joins him.  
Then after jarred fragments of them dancing together they go to a hotel and have sex. He finally was with Obi wan and he couldn't even remember it properly.  
' _I know it was a drunken night but was it truly a mistaken?_ '  
Tears sting at his eyes, but he shakes his head, desperately wishing them not to fall.  
After hours of grieving and mulling over his thoughts passed Anakin gets up, shuffling slowly over to the shower. He just turned on the cold water, didn't want hot, and stepped in. As the water slipped over him and into the drain he wished the memories of last night would too.  
He washes himself down with the standard hotel bathroom products, steps out and dries himself off. Afterwards he walks out of the bathroom to retrieve his clothing that's sprawled about the place, his shirt is by the door, his underwear on the far wall and his pants beside the bed.  
Putting on his underwear and pants proves to be an extremely uncomfortable task that takes more time than reasonable to complete.  
After putting on his shirt he leaves for the Jedi Temple.

 

At the Temple he seeks out Obi wan for answers, first he checks out Obi wan's room.  
Nothing.  
Next he checks the children's learning room, only Yoda is there.  
Finally he checks the meeting room.  
He's there with Master Windu.  
"As I said" Obi wan stops once he sees him, but continues after a moment "These rules and training need to be implemented"  
Windu nods "I'll consider but I must go" he turns and walks out.  
Now it's just Anakin and Obi wan, and the air is heavy and tense.  
He's staring at Obi wan but the other man is looking at the far wall.  
"Obi wan"  
No reaction  
"Obi wan, can't you look at me?"  
Nothing  
"Why can't you at least talk to me?!" He yells firmly  
Obi wan looks at him finally, but his eyes hold no emotion and Anakin is shocked into silence  
"Well you've got my attention Anakin, what do you want?" It's as if he's talking to a dumb child  
"I-I" he shakes his head to clear it "I want to know why you said last night was a mistake"  
"Because that's was it is, a mistake"  
"But why?"  
"Jedis aren't supposed to have relationships, much less with one that was their padawan no more than a year ago"  
Anakin is shocked, ' _is he seriously hung up on rules?_ ' "It's a mistake because of some stupid rules?"  
"Not only that, but we were both drunk and in no clear mind to have sex. Plus weren't you a virgin up until last night?"  
Anakin doesn't say anything  
"I'm taking that as a yes, so from now on our relationship is strictly professional, no contact is to be made unless absolutely necessary" Obi wan moves for the door, and as he brushes past Anakin he tries to reach out to Obi wan and say in a hushed, strained whisper "Obi wan" but the other man doesn't turn back.  
He can feel his heart shatter as he watches his retreating figure.

From that moment onwards each day was like a cycle, he'd wake up to puke his guts out, seek out Obi wan to speak to him but the other man barely looked at him, much less talked to him and it's driving Anakin insane. He's tried again and again to talk to him but he just gets the cold shoulder.  
He tries one last time.  
"Obi wan" he says as he enters the children's training room, the children had just left.  
"Obi wan!"  
Slowly his eyes filter over to Anakin's  
"Please, can we have our old relationship back? If not can you just talk to me?"  
"Anakin stop whatever expectation you have of me"  
"But-"  
"Whatever partnership we had is in the past, and I am sick of you nagging me like a child that didn't get their choice of candy. Please get it through your head that I never want to speak to you again"  
And with that Obi wan leaves briskly.  
And with that Anakin cannot bear to be there anymore, not with Obi wan hating his guts and his heart in pieces.  
He strides off to his room, grabs his only bag and stuffs it with the small amount of clothing he has. He takes a final look of his room from the doorway then turns and leaves, heading for the town.  
On his way out he doesn't see anyone thankfully.  
Once in town he heads for a bar. He enters the first one he sees, and it's pack with creatures of all shapes and sizes. He squeezes between people to make his way to the bartender "Hey, I'm looking to get off this rock, got anyone leaving?"  
He eyes him suspiciously, then nods over in the direction of some...guy?  
Anakin nods his thanks then goes over to him "Hey you leaving this rock?"  
He looks up from his drink "Yeah"  
"How much to take me with you?"  
The man eyes him "hmm, just get me some parts for my ship and we'll consider it payment"  
"Which parts?"  
The man slides him a list, he reads it "ok I'll be back momentarily"  
Without waiting for an answer he gets up and leaves.

  
After thirty minutes he's back with the supplies, the man is still in the same spot. "Here" he passes the heavy bag over to him, he checks over it.  
"Thanks, ready to go now?"  
Anakin nods.  
He gets up and leads Anakin out and to a sleek silver and gold spaceship. The door opens from the side and the pair walk on and into the ship, heading straight for the cockpit.  
In the cockpit the man asks "going anywhere particular?"  
"No, just wherever you're going"

After a few days of traveling they stop at a blue and pink planet.  
"Ever been here before?" The man, Ryco, asks when they've landed  
"No"  
"Well then welcome to Tyql, it's mainly about simple living 'round here. Farmers, some city folk, blood sport. But other than that it's pretty tame" he leads them to the main room  
Anakin nods "Thanks for letting me tag along, see you some other time?"  
"Of course"  
With his bag Anakin walks off the ship and is greeted by small stone buildings and a few people milling about.  
' _This is home now_ '

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anakin deals with life on the new planet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note I know nothing about being a mechanic or about repairing cars (or in this case a spaceship) Anakin's work scene is just me using common sense on the use of hydraulic fuel.

After a month and a half he's settled in to the new planet, he's got a decent apartment and a decent job at the mechanics down the road.  
But what he can't get over is the constant puking in the morning.  
Wiping his mouth he gets up and rises his mouth out, then gets ready for work.  
It's a quick walk down the road.  
"Hey Anakin" his boss, Ross, calls out from behind the receptionist's counter "there's a Liner out back, needs it's hydraulics checked out"  
Anakin nods and heads out back, once seeing the blue Liner he whistles "Wow"  
A woman walks out from the side "I know, she's absolutely gorgeous"  
Anakin turns to look at her "definitely, so she needs her hydraulics checked out?"  
"Yup, cause we I try to lift the steering wheel there's heaps of resistance"  
Anakin nods and grabs his tool box, next he walks over to the open catwalk leading into the ship, the woman follows. He navigates his way to the cockpit and opens the underbelly, and carefully inspects each cable and wires.  
Each are fine.  
He then follows the wires along to the engine room, where a problem arises. He turns to her "Ok so the problem is it's clogged about here" he points to some wires along the wall "And then here it's rusted" he points at another place "When's the last time you changed the fluids?"  
Her eyes drift to the wall in thought "Hmm...about ten years ago"  
Anakin coughs on a choke "no wonder, you'd want to get them changed no more than five years or problems will arise"  
She nods "how much will it cost to get this fixed?"  
"Well you've got to change this wiring and then the fluids so...about five hundred"  
"How long will it take?"  
"About an hour or two"  
"Ok do I pay now or later?"  
"Later"  
"Ok I'll see you in two hours then" she turns and leaves promptly.

Anakin grabs a wrench from his box and starts unscrewing the bolts holding the wire in place. Then he removes the wire and walks outside to grab a replacement one and hydraulic fuel. With both items in hand he walks back onto the ship and bolts the new wire in. After making sure it's correctly in he sets about putting the hydraulic fuel in. It's a slow and steady kind of job, upon completing that task he sets about making sure that everything else was working. Before he knows it the lady is back "Is everything ok?"  
He jumps at the sudden noise, then turns to her "Yeah, everything is in working order, you just got to pay at reception"  
"Thanks so much" then she's out the door again.  
Anakin packs up his tools and walks back out and into the lobby, the rest of the day is filled with fixing and repairing spaceships.

 

When the day is over and dusk is settling over Anakin is finished work for the day. But instead of going him he detours to a local medical center, wishing for answers to this stomach bug.  
Opening the door there's a small chime and the receptionist looks up for a second. Anakin looks about the room, there's a few patients, before making his way up to the desk.  
"Hi"  
"How may I help you?"  
"Um, I've had this stomach bug for a few weeks and was wondering if I could see someone who could tell me the root cause"  
She types away at her computer, after a moment she says "Just sit over there and someone will call you shortly"  
Anakin nods and walks over to the waiting area, sitting down a few chairs away from anyone.  
He hates silence and waiting, it lets his memory run rampage.  
And it's Obi wan he mostly sees.  
He misses him so much, can barely sleep at night, and wishes so badly that he could take that celebration night back so that they never went and Anakin could go back to admiring Obi wan secretly.  
At least then they'd be talking to each other.  
"Anakin?"  
His head shoots up, a woman is standing there with a clipboard "This way" and turns to an open door, Anakin stands and walks in. She follows and closes the door behind her "So what's the problem?" She says as they both sit down  
"Well every morning I'd wake up and puke, it's been happening for the past month"  
"Ok, is there any other times you'd puke? Or any foods that trigger it?"  
"No"  
"Ok" she scribbles stuff down "and your species?"  
"Human"  
She nods, writes some more, then says "Ok just lay down on the bed and I'll conduct some tests"  
Anakin stands and lays down on the bed, the woman stands over him "would you mind raising your shirt just a bit? To expose your stomach?"  
Hesitantly Anakin raises it, and the lady gently pokes around then grabs some machine. A foreign liquid is placed on his stomach before a foreign object is gently placed on his stomach, and starts moving around. The lady is staring at some screen but he can't tell what she's seeing.  
After a few moments she turns to him, "Anakin, you're about two months pregnant"  
His eyes bug out of his head "What?!"  
She points to the monitor "If you look here you can see the start of life forming"  
Anakin stares at the monitor, waves and waves of emotion crashing through him.  
After a few moments she cleans up his stomach, Anakin whispers "Thank you" and briskly walks out.

He walks around the town aimlessly, his mind clogged with roaring thoughts of the baby, and of Obi wan. For he knew without a doubt that the baby is his. Abortion is out of the question, but then again can he really raise a child by himself? If he had Obi wan -no he can't think like that. He can't think of Obi wan being in the picture because the man wants nothing to do with him.  
Tears sting at his eyes, he shakes his head, doesn't want them to fall.  
He might have to quit being a mechanic, for as much as he loves it it doesn't pay much.  
Farming then, they could live together on a farm, the thought brings a smile to his lips as he pictures him and his child planting food seeds and plant seeds together and cooking and just being together.  
But his traitorous mind envisions Obi wan with them, laughing and smiling along with them.  
Anakin hugs himself as the tears fall, he can't help it.  
In his mind he sees a loving family tending to a farm, days filled with fun times and nights filled with glorious foods and bed time stories.  
Without realizing it he has walked home, he quickly wipes the tears and walks inside, heading straight for bed.

 _He walks into a homely lounge room, a man sits on a recliner, he looks familiar "Obi wan?"_  
_The man turns "You're home" and gets up to envelop him in a giant hug._  
_Anakin's confused, but hugs him a bit._  
_Obi wan pulls back and pecks him on the lips then strides into the kitchen._  
_With cautious steps he slowly trails after._  
_In the kitchen Obi wan is there cooking with some kid._  
_The kid's eyes light up on seeing him, "Dad!" And hops down off their stool and hugs his legs._

  
'What?'

 

_Cautiously he pats their head, then they run back to their stool. Obi wan walks over to them "How's the mixing going?"_

_"Nicely!"_

_Anakin is stuck in shock and awe in the doorway._

_Obi wan smiles warmly "Which tin did you want to use?"_

_The kid jumps up and down excitedly on their stool and then hops off and runs over to one of the cabinets, shifting through it with confused but determined eyes. Then they open the next one and after a few moments yells "Yes!" and turns around with a star shaped tin._

_"Nice choice" Obi wan says as the kid hops back atop the stool "Did you want to pour the batter?"_

_"Yes please"_

_With Obi wan standing next to them, carefully watching over them, the kid pours the batter into the tin._

_A smile creeps onto Anakin's lips._

_Obi wan grabs the tin once the kid is done pouring the batter in and carefully places it into the oven._

_The kid runs back over to hug his legs, and this time Anakin hugs them back by placing his arm around their shoulders, letting the feeling of happiness wash over him._

  
_**"This is everything you could've had"** _

  
_Anakin looks up at the dark voice, and realizes it came from Obi wan **"Everything you could've had, if he lovvvved youuu"** his face morphs into some hideous melt, same with the kid's._  
_Anakin tries to free himself, but the kid has a death grip on his legs "No!" He struggles and struggles-_

 

  
"No!" He bolts upright, frantically looking around his darken room.  
His chest heaves up and down, as he pushes his hair out of the way and the sweat from his face. He swings his legs off the bed as he tries to calm down.  
_'It's just a dream'_  
He places a had on his stomach, and just concentrates on his breathing.  
In, out, in, out.  
When the heaving stops he breaths out one long gust.  
_'Why can't my mind understand that Obi wan is never going to be in the picture?_  
_He made that clear...'_  
He breaths in deep, trying to stop his emotion from skyrocketing. He sighs and walks over to his window, to gaze out on the city. Due to it's primitive state there's no high rises, or beaming lights, but Anakin loves it's simplicity nonetheless. He looks up to the stars, just hanging there it all their beauty.  
Oh how nice it would be to be a star, all their existence consisted of is just being, no emotions or connections.  
He turns from the night sky slowly and goes back to lying in bed, but doesn't go to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so the next chapter can either consist of:  
> 1\. Obi wan's POV after Anakin left the Jedi Temple  
> 2\. Another chapter similar to this one, where Anakin deals with the baby news by moving and changing jobs then a small time skip to him giving birth  
> 3\. Time skip  
> Or  
> 4\. All of the above, the next chapter will be Obi wan's POV, then the chapter after will be Anakin dealing with life after the baby news (moving, changing jobs etc) and then a time skip  
> Feel free to suggest any other combos though! (i.e 1 and 3 or 2 and 3 etc)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi wan after Anakin left the Jedi Temple

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So everyone basically agreed that there needed to be Obi wan's point of view, next chapter will be Anakin again.  
> Thank you to everyone who did vote on what this chapter should be.  
> Also time wise this is set after chapter 1.

Obi wan walks into the council room, most people are there already. Save for a few, including Anakin.  
Obi wan wishes he didn't yell at him yesterday, but everything was just building in his head, the guilt and regret, and Anakin unfortunately had to bear the brunt of it.  
He sits down in his chair as he waits for the rest to arrive.  
However after an hour Anakin still isn't here.  
Now Obi wan is anxious, _'Where could he be?'_  
Yoda speaks up "Start, shall we?"  
Everyone looks to each other and murmurs out an agreement.

 

At the end Anakin still didn't arrive, now Obi wan is worried.  
"Yoda" Obi wan calls out as everyone starts to leave  
Yoda turns to him "Yes?"  
"Have you seen Anakin?"  
"I have not"  
Obi wan nods as Yoda leaves.  
He thinks about their argument yesterday and hopes Anakin didn't do anything too rash.  
He heads towards Anakin's room, hoping that he just overslept or wished to stay in his room for the day.  
He knocks once and waits.

  
And waits.

  
And waits.

  
After five minutes pass he knocks again.

...

Nothing

And when ten minutes pass he knocks louder and calls out "Anakin"  
Nothing.  
No sounds of movement behind the door or a response from within.  
"Ok Anakin I'm coming in" Obi wan turns the knob, and is surprised that it isn't locked. He enters, the room is empty "Anakin?" Obi wan calls out as he wonders into the small living space, then his room.  
He notices one of the draws open and peeks in, there's nothing in it.  
"What?!"  
Obi wan frantically pulls open the other draws and looks through them, disregarding respect for the other man's privacy.

There's nothing in them.  
"Where is Anakin?!" He closes the draws and runs back out into the hall and towards the training room.  
No sign of Anakin, there's only Windu there "Windu have you seen Anakin?"  
"I'm sorry, but I haven't"  
Obi wan runs to the younglings learning room, Yoda is there with them, but no Anakin.  
Obi wan continues to run through the Temple, checking each room Anakin would've visited, even the ones he wouldn't, and questioned everyone.

  
But no one had seen him.

  
Obi wan is now extremely worried, _'It's probably my fault he isn't here, God I wish I hadn't yelled at him. Why hadn't I been my calm, reasonable self?'_  
Obi wan stops and leans on the wall  
Oh that's right, because it's Anakin...and Obi wan always had to control himself around Anakin because he couldn't ever muster up the courage to confess to him.  
And the fact that he told him to never speak to him again just tears at his heart more and more.  
Obi wan just wants to talk to Anakin, just to sit down and have a heart to heart and explain himself to Anakin that he didn't mean any of it. He does not care that he was his padawan just a year ago, it was the first believable excuse he could come up with but it didn't deter him.

Obi wan smiles to himself, not much did deter Anakin.

But as he continues his thought train the smile disappears, he had been so cold to him, so unfairly cold.  He knows he could've just asked Anakin for some space but it would've just had the same result _because as he said, not much deters Anakin._    
And he doesn't want them to go back to their past relationship, he wants them to move on and become something more.  
The only reason why he spoke so cruelly to him was because Obi wan's own mind had become consumed with guilt and regret to the fact that he had taken advantage of Anakin. And he just needed some space to figure out his feelings and what he was going to say to Anakin.  
But the constant sight of him and constant approaches never gave him much time and before he could say anything calmly... He snapped and spoke harshly.  
Obi wan wipes at his face _'God I wish I hadn't'_  
Obi wan stands and heads to the younglings learning center, as it's his time to teach them.

He walks in and Yoda stands in front of them, finishing up his speech. He turns to Obi wan, nods and shuffles out as Obi wan walks in.  
"So today we are going to talk about the planets that surround this one and how they are different to here"  
They all nod and get out some notebooks  
Obi wan sets up the first projection, this planet is red, "Ok so this one is called Gygon, it gets it's red hue from it's proximity to the sun and by the many active volcanoes on it. It's inhabited by Gygians, small creatures with a thick armour covering their skin. Why do you think their skin is thick armour?" Obi wan looks to the kids, each has eagerly raised their hand.  
He points to the girl in the back left.  
"Because it protects them from the heat"  
"Correct, is everyone done taking notes on this planet?" They nod.  
Obi wan shows them the other planet close to them, this one is brown "This is Sybon, it's brown colour comes from the fact that it's all sand there. It's inhabitants are called Sybonzies, and are quite tall and thin. Why do you think they are so tall?"  
All hands raise, Obi wan choses the boy in the middle row  
"Because they walk around so much?"  
"Correct, is everyone done taking notes?"  
They all agree.  
So moments later Obi wan finishes up his talk on the different planets, each child's face was lit up in interest and wonder. Yoda enters and the kids pack up their things.  
"Well, you taught"  
"Thank you"  
"Anakin, you found?" Yoda stops in front of him  
Obi wan sighs, frustrated, "I have not, I've search this entire Temple and questioned everyone and no one has seen him"  
Yoda nods slowly "You'd seen him the most, I thought. To find him, very easy for you."  
"Yeah well, we've been having a rough patch the past few weeks"  
"Why?"  
"Miscommunication" it's vague, but it covers most of their problem.  
Yoda nods "Fix it, together you shall" he shuffles back out.  
Obi wan wishes those words to become true.  
He goes back to his room and paces back and forth, trying to think where he would go.  
If he isn't in the Temple, then the city.  
He walks quickly into town.  
Anakin most likely would be in a hotel, but if he wanted to leave, it would either have to be by ship, and most people with ships are in bars.  
But hotels first.

He checks the first hotel he sees, asking the receptionist "Have you seen a tall long haired man wearing a robe walk in?"

The receptionist looks to his co worker, who share some whispered words before looking back at him and shaking his head "Sorry we haven't seen anyone like that walk in"

Obi wan nods and then runs into the next hotel and repeats this process.

  
He only checks the hotel within the first few streets of the temple, and comes up empty because no one had seen a tall, long haired man walk in.  
He checks the bars from the furthest in his search range, due to looking at the hotels first, and works his way back to the Temple, repeating the words his spoke to the first receptionist.  
He doesn't find anything.  
Until the bartender in the bar closest to the Temple eyes him suspiciously.  
"Have you seen him?"  
The bartender eyes him once more, Obi wan persists "If you've seen him tell me, it's of the utmost importance"  
After a few moments of silence he speaks "Saw him yesterday, left with some guy"  
"Left? As in left the place or left the planet?"  
"Planet, poor guy looked mighty upset"  
Obi wan's eyes widen, so it is his fault Anakin left, "Where to?"  
"I didn't ask"  
Obi wan curses, and walks out, furious with himself.  
Anakin left because of him, because he was an ass who could battle an evil mastermind but couldn't even talk to the man he's known most of his life reasonably and like the adult he's supposed to be.  
And now Anakin is out in the galaxy and is most likely to never come back, and it's all his fault.  
"God dammit!" Obi wan swipes the air, why did he have to snap at Anakin? that wasn't fair to him. He should've, should've - "Gah" he punches the stone wall beside him, as his mind continues to race with the _'what ifs'_ and _'should'ves'_

But the ache in his fist is nothing compared to the feeling of regret, guilt, anger and sadness swelling and crashing through him like a tidal wave.

_If Obi wan hadn't snapped at him,_

_If Obi wan had been a sensible adult,_

_If Obi wan had been a **brave** adult,_

_If Obi wan hadn't spoken so brutally,_

_If Obi wan hadn't suggested they go to the party,_

 

_Maybe Anakin would still be here..._

 

Obi wan breathes in deep, trying to settle his emotions that squeeze at his heart, his looks to the bar one last time before turning to the Temple, starting a slow walk.  
All he can think of is Anakin, and wishes he would come back so they could figure all this out, calmly, reasonably, sensibly, like the adults they're supposed to be.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not too many were keen on 2 (a repeat of chap two but with Anakin moving and finding a new job) however I did include it briefly for those that did want it.

Anakin fits in the last piece of furniture, and sits down in the recliner. He's so glad that moving is done, after a few months of fixing up the little farm and the house with his stomach only increasing in size he just wants to sit down. His friends from the mechanic shop flop down onto the couch "Man I am so done now, no more moving" Carter says  
Wyo groans in agreement  
"Anakin how are you not breathless?" Quzo asks  
"Trust me, I am" Anakin huffs a laugh  
"So" Carter starts "I planted some food seeds out back so me and the boys will be over after work most days to help tend to it"  
"You sure?" Anakin can't help but ask  
"Of course man!" Carter replies  
"Being so far along you should be resting"  
Anakin looks down at his seven month stomach, then looks up gratefully at his friends "Thanks, for everything"

  
And they kept their promise, everyday or second day they would be over, and when Anakin went into labour they all waited outside the room with bated breath. And when his baby girl was born they all visited one by one.  
Then when they came over some helped with the farm work while the others help Anakin tend to his baby.  
Anakin honestly couldn't ask for better friends.

  
And three years later all three of them are still there.

  
Anakin tosses and turns in his sleep, his nights ever restless. Most of the time it's Obi wan he sees, can't seem to shake the man from his dreams, his nightmares, despite the years passed. He jumps awake to a still night, he sees his daughter in the small bed to his side fast asleep.  
He remembers the nights she would scream or cry in the nights, mostly wanting food or a simple cuddle and Anakin always took comfort in that. But those days are passed and he resorts back to his breathing techniques, he breaths in deeply then let's it out slowly and repeats this until he feels calmer. He lies back down, very slowly he drifts off.

The next thing he hears is "Anakin it's time to rise!" As Carter sings out.  
Anakin groans into his pillow "five more minutes"  
"Uh uh, Wyo and Nova are trying to cook"  
That got him up, because those two should never be left alone in the kitchen. He enters the kitchen swiftly in only his boxers, Nova stands on a tall stool beside Wyo who has a mixing bowl in front of him  
"You better not use my stove, Wyo, remember the last time you tried?"  
Wyo trembles at the memory, "Well me and her will make the batter and you'll cook"  
Anakin laughs "Uh uh, Carter is going to cook" he says as he sits down at the table  
"I am?" Carter looks bewildered  
"Yes" He looks around "Where's Quzo?"  
"Out back, tending to something or another"  
Anakin nods as he watches Nova stir the batter with a wooden spoon. Her movements are slow and jerky. Wyo watches over her, holding the bowl. Anakin glances outside, Quzo is walking around with a bucket.  
Anakin hears the click of the stove turn on and glances back inside, Carter has out a fry pan on the stove, Wyo has taken the spoon to finish up the batter, he then passes the bowl to Carter who starts to cook it. Meanwhile Nova has walked over to Anakin, who has placed her on his leg "Hey, when did you and Wyo start making pancakes"  
"While ago"  
Anakin huffs a laugh, thinking what other answer was he expecting from a three year old.  
Not long after all of them, including Quzo, are eating breakfast.  
"So you guys gotta work today?"  
Carter hums a response around a mouthful, and once done eating gives a proper response "I do, got to work from 12 til 6"  
"I have to join him" Wyo speaks up  
"I don't, free day for me" Quzo says cheerily  
Anakin nods as he continues eating "What do you two got to work on today?"  
"Well" Wyo starts "Pretty sure I've got an old Hycro coming in that needs an overall repair"  
"And I've got a Vyro X 36 to repaint, that's going to be fun" Carter says sarcastically.  
"Well that sounds better than what I've got to do, which is just some shopping with Nova, and if Quzo wants to join." Anakin looks over to Quzo  
He nods "Sure, when do we go?"  
"We'll finish up here then go?"  
He nods again, finishing up his plate of food.  
Everyone else follows suit and finishes up.

Anakin helps to change Nova into some day clothes, a nice simple dress and old flats. Afterwards Anakin places her in the lounge with Quzo as he himself goes and changes.  
He comes back outside after a few minutes, Carter and Wyo are putting on their shoes as the walk out, both yelling over their shoulders "See you later!"  
"Bye!" Anakin calls back, as he walks into the lounge room he addresses Quzo "Ready to go too?"  
"Yes" Quzo stands gently, grabbing Nova's hand as he leads her outside with Anakin following just behind them.  
Not long after the three of them are at the market.  
"So on today's to-do list we've got to buy some groceries, get some shoes for Nova and buy some stuff for the house"  
"Ok, and we've got to get some stuff for outside"  
Anakin nods as he takes Nova's hand "should we get her shoes first?"  
"Yeah we should" he agrees as they walk toward the nearest store. The pair look amongst the items, at one point Anakin picks up Nova and holds her so she could get a better look "Do you like any of these?" He asks her.  
She looks about, then shakes her head.  
He calls over Quzo "She doesn't like any of these"  
Quzo walks back over to his side and leads them to another store. But after taking a few steps from the first store Anakin stops as he sees a familiar small green man standing on the other side of market aisle.  
He shakes his head, thinking he is seeing things but sill the figure doesn't disappear. Instead he turns and lock eyes with Anakin. Quickly he ushers Quzo to the next few aisles over, he goes along with a confused "What's going on? What happened?" but Anakin doesn't give him an answer. He drops the questions as they wonder over to another store, Nova easily finds a pair she likes at this store and Anakin buys them for her.  
The trio continue about the market place, buying various things for the house.  
They don't arrive back home until dusk.  
Entering the house Quzo says "I'll cook up some dinner"  
"Thanks" Anakin says as he places the items on the table, Nova wonders into the lounge room. Shortly after Carter and Wyo arrive.  
Together they all eat at the table, but the first thing Wyo says is strange "So the person with the old spaceship told me the strangest thing today. Do any of you know of the Jedi Order?"  
Anakin chokes on his food, because he hasn't told any of them that he was apart of them  
Quzo speaks up "Aren't they a bunch of strict dudes with some power?"  
Wyo nods "Thats them, anyway the owner told me that they had this policy on 'no families' but they just overturned that rule stating that you can join if you have a family"  
Carter speaks up with excitment "Man isn't that cool? There would be like this ultimate, unstoppable family of powerful Jedis"  
Anakin couldn't help drift off to the thought of possibilties, him, Obi wan and Nova all Jedis, a united force, standing strong together.  
"Anakin isn't that cool?" Carter shakes his arm, Anakin looks at him in a daze and whispers "yeah that would be cool"  
Carter's strong excitement means he doesn't detect the distance in Anakin's voice. Anakin watches him talk animatedly to the others, only half listening to them.  
_So if the council lifted the ban could he return?_  
 _Hell, should he return?_  
 _What would await him there? A life of misery? A life full of 'what ifs?'_  
 _What if he had stayed?_  
 _What if Obi wan was there with him? With Nova?_  
 _Would he be welcomed or casted as an outsider?_  
 _Would life return to what it was before hand?_  
 _..._  
 _Would Obi wan accept him now?_  
 _..._  
 _What would Obi wan think of Nova? His daughter - **their** daughter?_

"Anakin?" Wyo shakes his arm  
He blinks back into the here and now "Yes?"  
"We were concerned, you blanked out"  
"Oh, sorry, what were you saying?"  
"Just the Jedis"  
Anakin nods but looks over at Nova, who has made a complete mess of herself, "Sorry you continue talking I've got to handle her" he processes to pick her up and walk into the kitchen with her, he places her on top of one of the countertops. He gets some tissues and cleans her up, he hears a knock at the door.  
"I'll get it!" Quzo speaks up.  
Anakin resumes his takes, but a few moments later he hears Quzo call out "Uh, Anakin I think this might be for you"  
Anakin thinks, _who would be here at 8pm?_  
But nonetheless he picks up Nova and carries her with him to the door, Quzo stands to the side once he sees Anakin, and before him stands Yoda.  
"Master Yoda?" Anakin whispers  
"Hello" he nods in greeting "Speak, may we?"  
Anakin nods then turns to Quzo "Can you take her?"  
"Of course" Quzo reaches out and takes her, afterwards he heads into the dinning room and takes the others out back.  
When the door shuts Anakin turns to Yoda "What is it?"  
"Wondered where you had run off to, I have just. Worried, we were"  
Anakin wraps his arm around himself "We?"  
"The other Jedis"  
Anakin glances to the wall "Why?"  
"Without a trace, you left"  
Anakin huffs a bitter laugh "I have my reasons"  
"Obi wan, I presume" Yoda leads them to the lounge room where they sit face to face  
Anakin's eyes widen in shock "H-how do you know?"  
"Capable of being subtle, neither you two are"  
Anakin stands with finality, "It doesn't matter now, I'm not going back"  
"But you must, out of sorts, Obi wan is"  
"That's his problem, not mine"  
"The Jedi Order, for then. Yourself, if not for"  
"Replace him, he isn't important"  
"Important to you, he is"  
Anakin stops, because he doesn't have a response, or a lie, ready. After a few heartbeats he says "My life is here, I will not abandon it"  
"Asking you too, I am not. Just a few days"  
Anakin looks hesitant, so Yoda continues "Think about. Leaving tomorrow evening, I shall"  
Yoda stands and shuffles out, Anakin stands there with a war going on in his head. But before either side could claim victory his friends walk back in, with Quzo holding Nova.  
"So, who was that?" Carter asks curiously.  
"That...was an old teacher" Anakin says as he turns and looks at them "In truth, I was apart of the Jedi Order. That man there wanted me to go back there"  
"Man that's so cool!" Carter speaks up  
"Do you want to go back?" Quzo asks  
"I...don't know. It's where her other father resides"  
"As you said the breakup was bad, right?"  
"Sort of"  
"Then you should fix it, Nova can stay with us"  
"Thanks, but I think it would be best to take her with me" Anakin gestures for him to pass Nova back to him, and he does "Well I better go pack"  
"Did you want help? At least with Nova's stuff?" Wyo asks  
Anakin looks at Nova, then at Wyo "Sure"  
"Me and Carter will clean the kitchen" Quzo says, Anakin nods in thanks then all of them proceed to go in their respected directions.  
In Nova's room Anakin places her on the bed, he goes to hall closet to get a bag for her then returns. Wyo has already placed some folded clothes on the bed "Bad breakup?"  
"Can't break something that was never there"  
"I'm sorry Anakin"  
"Nothing to be sorry for, just the truth and I've accepted it years ago" Anakin says as he continues to place Nova's clothes in her bag. Despite the look in his eye that says he wants to say something he thankfully doesn't say anything.  
"Dada?" Nova asks  
Anakin stops packing and kneels in front of her "Yes?"  
"What...happening?" She can't fully pronounces the words but Anakin understands  
"We're just going on a trip"  
She nods but doesn't say anything more so Anakin places the last of her stuff in the bag. "Can you look after her while I pack?"  
"Sure" Wyo picks her up and heads towards the lounge room as Anakin heads to his room.  
Slowly he packs, thinking that he can't believe that this is happening, and every time he times of how he's going to approach Obi wan that plan falls through. He sighs and sits on his bed, beside his bag.  
Just face him with indifference, it will be easy.  
Anakin finishes up then walks into the lounge room, everyone's there. He sits beside Carter as they all chat amongst themselves.

The next evening arrives sooner than Anakin would like, and he says one lat goodbye to his friends "I'll be back before you guys know it"  
"We'll miss you" Quzo says  
He hugs them all then walks with Nova in hand towards the only airport-ish place in the small town. He easily spots Yoda, who says to him "Coming with me, I presume?"  
"Yeah I thought it over and figured that I needed to fix this. But my daughter comes with me"  
"That's fine" Yoda walks toward his spaceship, Anakin can already feel the anxiousness and nerves spiking. Together they head back to the Jedi Temple.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anakin returns to a place he thought he never would

Anakin, Nova and Yoda arrived at the Jedi Temple in a few days. Anakin is nervous as all hell, both for the fact that he's returning after running off and for the fact that Obi wan is here.  
Anakin walks slowly behind Yoda while holding Nova's hand, he's trying to will the butterflies and anxiety down but to no avail.  
It's just, this, the Temple and the Jedi were most of his life and he just ran off, what would they think of him now?  
Yoda leads them up the steps "Meeting" is all he's says as he leads them through the halls.  
Not much has changed, still the same stone and design to the temple. Then they walk into the council room, which Anakin isn't appreciative of because he wanted to meet everyone again slowly but no. Everyone, _everyone_ is present in the council room. Every single Jedi master is there and Anakin's breath hitches as he glances at everyone, while also pulling his daughter closer.  
It's so quiet that you could hear a pin drop.  
He just hopes no one puts two and two together, with Nova's hair being a very similar colour to Obi wan's and her own looks similar to Anakin's.  
Yoda either doesn't notice the awkward air or doesn't care as he shuffle to his chair, but the only chair available is next to Obi wan's. Standing up straighter he breathes in deep and walk over to said chair, never daring to meet the other man's bewildered stare. Once he sits down he pulls Nova onto his lap, Yoda begins "Founded Anakin, I have. Treat him well, you shall"  
Everyone murmurs something.  
"Onto business" Yoda says as he goes on about the new younglins joining, the others moving onto padawans. Then about the Jedi masters, new training to start, old ones to revisit or refine. New learning material, new technology to observe, improvements on lightsabers, etc.  
Anakin makes a point to only focus on Yoda, ignoring the occasional stares from Obi wan. Once the meeting is concluded the Jedi he knew well came up to him with a greeting similar to "Hey" or "Welcome back", however others avoided him, not even sparing a glance. But when the crowd dissipated he was left alone with Obi wan, quickly Anakin scoops up Nova, hoping to get a quick getaway because he doesn't want to deal with Obi wan right now. However Obi wan moves quicker than him and blocks his path before Anakin could move. His firm, tired eyes soften, his voice distant and soft when he speaks "Anakin, where have you been?"  
Anakin doesn't let Obi wan's emotions cloud his as he steels himself "Away, off planet" he says with no emotion  
"But where?"  
"Why do you care?"  
The other man looks taken aback "Anakin, I've always cared"  
"Really?" He gets closer to him, anger rising in him "Is that why you told me to never speak to you again?" He shoves past him but Obi wan reaches out to grab his free arm, Anakin pulls his arm out harshly, as if he's been stung "Don't you dare touch me. After all-" Anakin stops himself, doesn't want to reveal anything more, doesn't want his true emotions to surface. He swiftly turns and leaves, heading towards his sleeping quarters.

Inside his room he places Nova on the bed "Dada?" she questions  
He kneels in front of her "I'm sorry you had to see that" he bites his lip in thought of what to say to her next, how to explain to a three year old want transpired between him and Obi wan. "That man and I don't get along well"  
"Oh" she says "Like when I don't want to share my toys with Wy?"  
Anakin smiles at that "Yes something like that"  
He stands and grabs their bags, it's late and Anakin thinks it time to shower and go to bed. They had dinner just before arriving so food isn't a worry. He quickly baths her then tucks her into one side of their bed "Night dada"  
"Goodnight" he says, turning off her lamp but leaves his one on. He walks into the bathroom and turns the shower on and hops in.  
He's proud of how he handled himself but he hates the fact that all he wants to do is run back to Obi wan, hates that after all these years his feelings haven't changed, that every night he falls asleep he awakes hours later due to another dream or nightmare involving Obi wan. It was worse when he was pregnant, it was mere moments of sleep he got, or none at all. He shakes his head and quickly finishes his shower. He walks back out, lays down beside his daughter and turns his lamp off. Wishing more so for Nova's sake that he doesn't wake up screaming.

  
_He strides into the council room, his posture screaming power. Obi wan stands above a map, of what he doesn't know. Nova beside him, however she looks about 14, and still a spitting image of Anakin, save for her hair colour that closely matches Obi wan's. "Anakin" Obi wan starts "Me and Nova were just speaking about the raid on this village, and the spy we were just going to deploy into the Jedi Order"_  
_What? "What?"_  
_Obi wan strolls over until he's directly in front of Anakin, his hands grasps his waist "Oh darling, don't you remember our empire? The most powerful and feared Siths that ever took control"_  
_Anakin tries to pull back from him but his grip is like iron. Obi wan's grin turns sinister "Nova, do as we planned"_  
_"Yes father" she pulls out her lightsaber, **her red lightsaber** , and walks until she's beside Obi wan._  
_"It's time we get rid of the weak" Obi wan says lowly, and as soon as he walks back Nova strikes._

  
"No!" Anakin wakes with a start, Nova jumps, blindly she turns and reaches out "Dada?"  
"I'm sorry" he grabs her hand "It was just a bad dream, go back to bed" he lies back down on his back, Nova crawls over so she's curled into his side. Anakin smiles "Thank you" he places his hand on her back. He takes in the comfort as slowly he drifts back asleep.

He's awaken next to a knock at his door, he opens his eyes and looks around, Nova is still curled beside him. Carefully and slowly he disentangles himself from her, not wanting to wake her after the horrid events of last night. He opens the door, it's Windu.  
"Hello, Anakin"  
"Hi, Windu. Could we talk in the hall? My daughter is just asleep"  
"Of course" he steps back so Anakin could step into the hall, closing the door until only ajar is open. "That's also what I wanted to discuss"  
Anakin tilts his head, confused and silently urging him to continue  
"I wanted to talk about your daughter. Yes rules about having a family is lifted but I just wanted to have a little background knowledge on her"  
"Like?"  
"For instance, her name"  
"Nova"  
"How nice, her age?"  
Anakin debates lying about it but in the end, he doesn't "...three"  
Windu nods in thought, and then glances down the hall quickly before looking back at Anakin "Thank you but I've got other matters to attend to now, bye Anakin"  
"Bye" Anakin watches him walk down the hall before returning to his room. Nova is sitting up on the bed "Dada?"  
"Sorry, was talking to someone" Anakin reaches into her bag and gives her some day clothes "go get changed"  
"Ok" she grabs them and heads into the bathroom. Anakin stands and reaches for his bag, but a knock on the door stops him.  
He opens it,  
"Anakin" Obi wan says, his eyes as tired as they were the day before. For a long moment he just stares at Anakin "I thought I was dreaming when you walked into the council room"  
Anakin's eyes widen "What?"  
"Since you left-" he stops and Anakin feels a tug on his sleep shorts "Dada?"  
"Nova" Anakin looks at her, but she spares a look at Obi wan before her wide eyes look back at him with her hands raised.  
He picks her up, then looks back at Obi wan who is staring intently at Nova "Is she your daughter?"  
"Yes" Anakin turns so she can't be seen clearly "But if you'll excuse us we've got things to do" Anakin goes to shut his door, not wishing to be in Obi wan's presence longer.  
As the door shuts he hears "Wait, Anakin!" He locks the door "Please, Anakin, just hear me out"  
He wants to, so badly. He rests his head gently on top of Nova's, trying to calm his emotions.  
Part of him wants to hear him out but yet the other part of him tells him not to. That he can't show his true emotions to Obi wan because he doesn't want to be hurt, doesn't want his emotions, his heart, to be ripped out and stomped on again.  
Nova grips his hair, Anakin likes to think it's her way of comfort.  
He pulls back to look into her eyes "Thank you" he whispers.  
He places her on the bed as he gets changed in the bathroom.  
Anakin strolls slowly hand in hand with Nova to Yoda, who is in the training room watching over the Jedis.  
He stands beside him and asks "So what am I to do?  
"Up to you"  
Anakin stares in frustration,  
"Task for you to find"  
"So if I wanted to teach the younglins I could just walk in?"  
Yoda nods "Look to yourself, purpose there" he shuffles over to Jedis and talks to them.  
Anakin stares at him as he walks away in both frustration and confusion.  
On one hand he wants to, needs to talk to Obi wan. However he doesn't want Nova involved, but yet he can't leave her in the hands of anyone here.  
But on the other hand he doesn't want to go anywhere near the man who shattered his heart.  
But he can't turn back now, he needs to sort out his past to move on from this suffocating tidal wave of memories and feelings.  
So the best case scenario is that he puts Nova in his room and he talks to Obi wan in the hall.  
Yes, he'll just seek out the man and then ask to talk to him later in front of his room.  
He looks around the training room, he isn't present.  
After leaving he first checks the learning centre, he isn't there.  
He then checks the council room.  
Not there either.  
And after checking the entire temple he asks one of the other Jedis, they say he's in a private meeting and should be done in an hour. He asks then to notify Obi wan that he wants to speak with him at his quarters.  
Anakin walks to his room, holding Nova. Wondering what he's going to do for an hour, it'd be best to sort his feelings into words.  
But he just can't.  
He sets down Nova and gives her some toys while he sits on the bed, contemplating his words.  
_'Obi wan, I just wanted to explain myself..."_  
Should he be angry? _'You abandoned me!'_  
Should he be upset? _'You broke my heart'_  
Should he be dismissive? _'Leave the past alone'_  
Should he be truthful? _'This is your daughter'_  
....  
How does he put all of his emotions into words? All the heartbreak and regret, all the horrible nights and frightful nightmares?  
He wants to scream at the man, scream at himself.  
Scream at his own idiocy, and hopefulness.  
Because even after everything he wants Obi wan.  
A knock at the door pulls him back down to earth.  
"Nova"  
She looks up at him  
"Stay here I'll be just outside ok?"  
She nods then goes back to playing with her toys. He walks to the door on shaky legs, his heart threatening to jump out of his chest. Opening it reveals Obi wan, "Can we talk in the hall?" Anakin asks  
"Sure" he steps back a bit, allowing Anakin room to step into the hall.  
Obi wan stares at him, patiently.  
"I..." Anakin starts "I honestly don't know how to start"  
Obi wan doesn't say anything  
"So much I want to say, so much emotions I don't know which to choose" he glances at the floor quickly before looking forwards again  
"Anakin"  
"Obi wan, you... I left because of you"  
Obi wan doesn't react "I figured as much, but Anakin please believe me when I say that I never stopped looking for you"  
Anakin laughs bitterly "Yeah, sure"  
"Anakin please-" he reaches for him again, but Anakin pulls back  
"Don't lie to me"  
"I'm not! I couldn't sleep knowing you were out there on some distant planet...and that I was the cause" his angry voice falls to a whisper  
"Good"  
Obi wan's confused eyes look at him  
"You destroyed my heart, Obi wan." He chokes back the _'I loved you'_   "Instead of talking to me after that night you distanced yourself"  
"That's because I'm in love with you!"  
Anakin stumbles back into his door, "No, no" Obi wan steps forward again, "Anakin-"  but Anakin doesn't have any room to move so he pushes Obi wan back "Don't you dare say that! Don't you dare make up excuses!" Anakin yells  
"And why can't it be the truth?!"  
"Because it isn't!"  
"And how would you know my feelings?"  
"Because I know you..." Anakin's voice falls to a whisper "I've known you practically my whole life. You never shown me romantic feelings. Hell you even told me Jedis shouldn't date ones that were their padawan a mere year ago. So how do I know? Your actions and words, Obi wan"  
Obi wan stands then dumbfounded  
Anakin states firmly "Don't you dare say that to me when we both know that isn't true"  
Obi wan's mouth moves like a fish out of water, can't seem to grasp words.  
"Dada?" Anakin and Obi wan look down at Nova "I'm tired" Anakin picks her up. He spares one more look at Obi wan's clouded eyes before walking back into his room and shuting the door with a click.  
He sets Nova down on her side of the bed after getting her to change into sleep clothes. In mere moments Nova is asleep but Anakin's mind still races. He stands and walks over to the window. Looking out he wishes that his life were easier, he wonders what he life would be now if the Jedis never took him. Would his mother be alive? Would he of met Obi wan, or any of the other Jedis in a different scenario? Would he be a slave, to a cruel person or someone decent? What would his life had become? Would it be less emotional than this?

But yet he cant seem to get Obi wan's words out of his head _'Because I'm in love with you!'_ Anakin doesn't wish to believe it, wants to deny it because it's easier to deal with. But while Obi wan never showed romantic interest to him the man never lied to him. Tears well up in his eyes, his hand covers his mouth as he tries not to cry.

**_It can't be true_ **

He replays their encounters over the years, Obi wan and Qui-Gon Jinn saved him, and Obi wan swore to protect him. 

_Still it can't be true_

Obi wan must've meant it in a sense to calm him. But yet Obi wan protected him always and has never left his side. No matter the stupid things Anakin did Obi wan never left...he was always there with firm and wise words to guide him. He never let him stray too far from the path, never led him astray either. He was there, always there.

_By the Gods_ , **is it true?**

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will they reconcile?

Anakin couldn't sleep that night, he's awake with his mind racing. Running so many different memories, scenarios, feelings, thoughts which are just tumbling over each other.  
He doesn't realize that the night's dark sky has turned to morning orange, too lost in his thoughts.  
"Dada?" Nova asks as she sits up in bed, Anakin doesnt move. She shuffles out of bed and slowly waddles over him, once she reaches him after a few moments she grabs his hand. It causes him to jerk slightly, reality coming back to him "Yes? Sorry Nova" he crouches down to her height, still holding her hand.  
"Ok?"  
He smiles at her "Yes, everything is ok" he stands back to his full height and grabs some food for her and himself. He places the food on the table then picks up Nova and puts her in one of the chairs. He gives her one of the bowls then sets himself in the other, grabbing his food once seated. Together they eat in quietly, Anakin contemplating whether or not to leave Nova with Yoda while he talks with Obi wan, but he just doesn't like the idea of leaving her alone with someone else. He stops eating now and jabs his spoon lightly in the bowl.  
He has to talk to Obi wan, finish their conversation from yesterday.  
But in all honesty he just doesn't know what to say. He knows in his heart that he still loves Obi wan, he'll never stop and he believes Obi wan's words are sincere. But can he just go back into his arms? As if things were normal once more? Like the last three years didn't happen?  
But then again how does he tell Obi wan that Nova is his daughter? How does he explain his pregnancy when he himself doesn't understand it?

"Dada I changed" Anakin looks over at her and realizes that, yes, she did indeed changed outfits while he was once again lost in his head "Good, I will go change myself that we can go see the other younglins"  
Anakin walks past her into the bathroom and changes quickly. When he comes back out he takes her hand and together they stroll over to the younglins learning center.

 

Windu and Yoda glance over in curiosity at him once the arrived "I just want her to have a look"  
Both nod then go back to their lesson, however Windu moves over to the corner to observe.  
This time Yoda was talking about new training techniques, and how to wield the new lightsaber design.  
While watching and listening to Yoda Anakin could see from the corner of his eye that Windu is studying him and Nova _and it's unnerving._  
He keeps her close when the class is done and everyone is filing out. Windu calls him over once everyone else leaves. He stands and walks over to the man with Nova on his hip "yes?"  
"I wanted to talk about Nova"  
"What about her?"  
"Her other parent"  
_Oh no,_ a sinking feeling settles in his gut. He knows it wasn't the best idea to tell Windu information on her, that man is too intelligent.  
Seeing the look on his face Windu says "By the look on your face you understand where I'm going with this"  
Anakin nods shallowly "I've got a feeling" he looks at Nova quickly, she isn't paying attention to their conversation, then looks back up at him  
"Then let me clarify, I assume that Obi wan is the other father" his face is neutral as Anakin looks away  
"...you're correct, how did you figure it out?"  
"I have my resources, but you said she's three, you ran away three years ago"  
"But again how did you figure it's Obi wan's kid?"  
"As I said I have my resources" he smirks and leaves the learning center. Anakin is stuck standing there dumbfounded.  
Again he looks to Nova, who still isn't paying attention.  
Right now he has to find Obi wan.  
Thank goodness when he checks the training centre first he sees him with some other Jedis, seemingly helping them train.  
His eyes drift over to Anakin's, he quickly mumbles something to the kids who then walk off to other areas of the place.  
Anakin reaches him and sheepishly says "Hi Obi wan"  
"Hello Anakin"  
"Can we talk later?"  
"Of course, what about?"  
Anakin glances over to the far wall on his left, then back to Obi wan "About yesterday"  
Obi wan nods  
"Ok, same place and time" Anakin says  
"Ok" Obi wan replies  
Anakin nods and walks off back to his room.  
He distracts himself for the time being by playing some games with Nova.

 

  
The knock comes later, interrupting a game with Nova. Anakin says to her "Just stay here, ok?"  
She nods and resumes playing with some toys  
He goes out to the hall and a heavy sense of déjà vu settles over them  
"I believe you, Obi wan" Anakin starts "but I can't trust you"  
Obi wan's eyes widen for a moment, before realization dawns on him "Anakin please, I'm sorry, you must understand-"  
"I get it, truly"  
"No you don't so let me finish. You know your side of the story so let me tell mine. Interest of you got me when we first met, a kid born with no father and has a strong force within him. Immediately gets ranked higher than one would at that age. And to think that I was the one to be your teacher was just a great opportunity. But along the way the interest grew to be something more, however I didn't wish to ponder on it because you were my student and the Jedi Order didn't allow relationships. So I left it be, but then we got together and I couldn't ignore that feeling. The next thing I could think of to do is distance myself from you, which I regret every night. You left and I felt hollow, nothing I did ever made that feeling leave. But then you came back and I felt hope, hope that I could tell you how sorry I am"  
Anakin is left speechless, couldn't think of a reply  
"But I understand if you never forgive me, because I never will forgive myself"  
"I-" Anakin tries to start "I forgive you" it's the honest truth, he has never been able to forget his feelings for Obi wan and just hearing what he had to go through makes him understand the other man better. Anakin himself knows how strict the Jedis could be and how severe the punishments are. "But I just can't trust you Obi wan" _it's more so that he can't trust himself around Obi wan_  
"Anakin don't be irrational" Obi wan pleads  
"Irrational? How dare you" Anakin's temper is rising "I trusted you before and look where that got me!" He's quickly losing his brain to mouth filter "Trust made me fall for you, trust made me run away, trust forced me to make a new life with your kid!" Anakin's eyes widen as his hands cover his mouth.  
Obi wan's eyes widen "W-what?" He steps back "My-my kid?"  
Anakin backs himself into the wall, his blunt nails digging into his own face as he starts swearing in his head, _shit shit shit shit, how could he let that slip_. _How could he be such an idiot and let that slip._  
"Anakin is Nova my kid?"  
The damage is done, Anakin drops his hands as he faces Obi wan again, his face indifferent despite wanting to scream and says "Yes"  
"H-how?"  
"The following months after we did it I felt funny, and after seeing a doctor I was told I was pregnant. Obi wan the only time I've ever been with somebody was that drunk night with you."  
Obi wan's eyes drift to the wall, it's obvious in his eyes that's he trying to run the scenarios through his head, but the only thing he says is "Does she know?" As his eyes lock back onto Anakin's  
"No"  
Obi wan nods in understand "Can we-" he starts before reconsidering his words "Can we please fix us, forget the past if we have to. And if not for us then her? Anakin I miss you so much, I want you back in my life however you see fit"  
Anakin takes a moment to consider his words, it would benefit Nova to be around Obi wan. And Anakin himself does miss his presence  
"Ok, let's just be friends for now and if something were to happen in the future we'll be adults about it, ok?" Anakin says with a small smile  
Obi wan grins brightly "it's a deal"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good ending? Bad ending? Liked it or disliked it?


End file.
